Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks

Following the phenomenal success of the first Equestria Girls movie, Hasbro decided to follow it up with a sequel the following year.

They named it Rainbow Rocks.

Presumably because Rainbow does, in fact, rock.

However, this time around they decided to release some cinematic shorts during the run-up.

So I'm going to quickly cover those before diving into the movie proper.

Equestria Girls

I will say without shame that I am what is known as a 'Brony'.

That's short for 'Bro who likes pony', as in the little girls' cartoon about magical talking ponies.

It did take me a long time to get over the fact that it is My Little Pony, but the simple fact is, it's really freaking good.

And yes, they did make it into a movie.

Kinda.

The movie is about magical talking ponies, but it's also about high school girls with magical powers.

It took a serious turn into weirdsville.

Not only that, but it got a theatrical release too.

So let's take a look at this thing.

The A-Team

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them maybe you can hire:

The A-Team.

Wait, wrong A-team!

Let me be perfectly honest. I grew up with the original A-Team. George Peppard, Dirk Benedict, Mr. T. and my favourite, Dwight Schultz.

You may know them better as Hannibal, Faceman, B.A. Barakus and Howling Mad Murdock.

But that show is from the Eighties, so naturally when 2010 rolled around we got a reboot.

Six years later and no sign of a sequel, so let's figure out what went wrong.

Mulan

If I were to say the phrase "Let's get down to business", what would you instantly think of?

Assuming you hadn't read the title of this review, you'd still think of Disney's Mulan.

The only Disney Princess willing to be seen without her makeup.

This movie is classic and amazing and I'm going to explain to you why it's classic and amazing.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl.

I've never been to any form of Disney theme park.

As such, I had no idea that they had a ride based around pirates.

This ride was apparently so cool that they decided to make a movie based on it.

Aka: Johnny Depp, the movie.

And it was insanely popular.
But not for the reasons Disney expected.

Ultimate Weapon

What is it about American wrestlers becoming movie stars?

Sure, I know that wrestling is all about acting and making a spectacle, but it's so bombastic and over the top. Do they really think that it can work?

Well, back in the 80s, one wrestler set out to prove that they could.

And he became, the Ultimate Weapon!

I'll admit, without the headband it's kinda hard to tell that it's him.

This is an 80s action movie, starring a wrestler as a mercenary who's just out for justice.

Oh Gods, this is going to hurt, isn't it?

Superhero Movie

There is a series of movies known as the 'Movie movies'.

Actually, there are two series of movies known as the 'Movie movies'.

Originally penned by two men by the names of Seltzer and Friedberg, Scary Movie was bought out and rewritten by the Wayans Bros. The only thing kept from the original script was the title and the basic premise, spoofing famous horror films.

And cameos. Let's not forget the cameos.

Seltzer and Friedberg however, continued to make movies with the word movie at the end, such as Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and others.

These were not well received.

The fact that they were advertised with the phrase "From two of the six writer's behind Scary Movie" didn't help people's views towards the Scary Movie franchise.

So we ended up with two very different series of movies, but both with the same theme and similar names, which caused more than a little confusion.

Especially when Superhero Movie was released, since neither the Wayans nor Seltzer and Firedberg were involved.

It was by Leslie Nielson, Craig Mazon and David Zucker, the people behind Naked Gun, Airplane and Scary Movie 3.

Yeah, it got complicated.

Fortunately, this movie isn't, so let's get started.

Jonah Hex

You may find it hard to believe nowadays, but there was a time when superhero movies weren't particularly highly regarded. They were seen as nothing but cheap kids movies with no real weight behind them.

Then DC and Warner Bros started up the Dark Knight trilogy. It was darker, edgier and really shouldn't have been shown to children.

So DC thought "Why not try this with other characters?".

Well, we all know why, but BvS will have to wait.

Because right now, we've got Jonah Hex to get through.

Where is he aiming that Gatling?

The Mummy

Whatever happened to Brendan Fraser? His career started out so well, but then he just seemed to vanish. Which is a shame, because he was just so cool.

Speaking of his early career, today's movie is the 1999 classic, The Mummy.

Not to be confused with the god of the Jews.

I feel that I should warn that this movie has some pretty gruesome death scenes, but since they're portrayed via 1999 CGI the shock value's countered by the narm.

Hitman

It's pretty much an accepted fact that movies based on computer games suck.

Which is really annoying, especially when the game is considered a classic.

Because all anonymous hitmen have unique, easily recognisable weapons.

I'm going to give some full disclosure here, I never played the games. I tried to, but let's just say that I didn't get along with it.

In that I repeatedly got killed by the chef.

Anywho, other people loved the game series so much that Hollywood decided to make a film based on it.

Die Hard

There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who think Die Hard is a Christmas movie. And apparently there is a second type of person, but I don't associate with people like them.

People say he's gotten big-headed recently.

This movie is awesome and I'm going to spend far too much time explaining why.

Despicable Me 2

During my last review we saw a story about a supervillain learning the importance of love via the rather daft plot mechanic of adopting three orphan girls.

And the world was forever changed when it was introduced to the Minions.

I promise you that the movie is still about Gru.

Anyway, now that Gru has a family the writers thought it was time for him to get a love life. Even if those two things normally happen the other way around.

So, let's have a watch of Despicable Me 2 and see if it's as good as the first one.