Friday, 3 March 2017

Snow White & The Huntsman

Watching movies is supposed to be something you enjoy.
However, some directors seem to believe otherwise.
They seem to think that their viewers deserve to suffer.
Weren't there supposed to be dwarfs in this movie?
Let's not split hairs. The only reason Kristen Stewart was cast as Snow White in this movie was because she slept with the director. Considering that this was supposed to be a feminist movie, maybe they should have chosen their lead based on something other than 'Who's willing to sleep their way to the top'?
Especially when that 'actress' has only one facial expression. That of having just been smacked in the face with a plank of wood.
In case you couldn't guess, I'm not a fan of Kristen Stewart.
I am, however, a fan of Chris Hemsworth, which is why I decided to buy this movie.

The movie starts with a narrated flashback.
I'm getting tired of starting these reviews with that sentence.
You can tell that this is a fantasy movie because they still have snow.
This lady is the Queen of the kingdom (Which never gets named) and as she's admiring the snow she spots a single rose blooming. As she touches it she pricks her finger, causing blood to spill on the snow. This inspires her to wish for a daughter with 'Skin white as snow, lips red as blood, hair black as a raven's wings'.
And lo and behold, she gets that very exact daughter.
Even though her skin doesn't seem as white as snow.
The narrator explains that the child was named Snow White and she was adored across the kingdom for her beauty, which is kind of icky really.  She can't be more than 8.
This exact scene exists to show us how compassionate she is, but it falls flat.
How so?
Well, she's bringing home a magpie that she found, because it's been injured. She even offers to nurse it back to health.
This is very compassionate and sweet, I'll give them that.
But the Queen acts as though this is unheard of and tells Snow White that she has 'A rare beauty'.
Because no other child has ever brought home an injured bird before.
The Queen was played by the director's wife. She's no longer his wife.
Then, as expected, the Queen dies from some mystery illness. The King is apparently inconsolable, but he is called upon to help protect his kingdom from some dark army that's attacking.
They were careful not to burn down any more of the forest than they needed to.
Because even dark armies have some concern for the environment.
The King battles the army, who shatter like glass when hit, making them even less of a threat than Putty Patrollers.
It's a cool effect. It makes no sense, but it's cool.
After the mysterious army is defeated, the King finds a prisoner. It's a beautiful woman chained up inside of a caravan. She's so beautiful that the King forgets about his dead wife and marries her the very next day.
Seems legit.
The woman's name is Ravenna and she is, of course, the villain. As she prepares for her wedding she chats to Snow White, who calls her beautiful.
I'm going to gloss over Snow White's complete lack of reaction to her mother's death. Or even her father getting married again so soon. I know she's supposed to be 'Fairest of all' and have never-before-seen inner beauty, but even the kindest people I know tend to question such things.
Anyhoo, Ravenna responds to the compliment by stating that it's Snow White's beauty that people across the lands whisper about.
Errrr, she's 8 years old. Who refers to an 8-year-old girl as a 'True beauty'?
That night, as the King attempts to consummate his marriage, Ravenna stabs him. She then opens the gates to let in her army and conquer the kingdom.
Ok, that's a great plan and all, but there's one minor flaw.
How did the army manage to sneak up to the gates without being noticed?
Seriously, look where it's located.
Back to the fighting though, which wakes Snow White. She spots her dead father and tries to escape, but gets caught by Ravenna's brother, Finn.
Who has the single ugliest haircut of all time.
To be fair though, he's meant to be thoroughly unlikable.
For some reason Ravenna decides not to kill Snow White.
And by 'Some reason' I mean no gorram reason at all. She just decides to throw her into a tower and forgets about her until she turns 18.
Ravenna has her magic mirror carried into her throne room so that she can talk to it.
A lot of people have made jokes about how the mirror looks more like a gong than a mirror, but it turns out that ancient mirrors weren't very good and as such the 'golden gong' appearance is relatively accurate.
What I will complain about is the way it spills out and stands up, looking like some weird, gold-worshipping monk.
It's just weird is all.
The mirror tells Ravenna that she is indeed the fairest of them all.
It decides to keep quiet about Snow White's potential to grow up and become fairer.
I watched the sequel in order to see what inconsistencies there were, and this is a pretty major one.
Spoiler warning for the still recent sequel.
"S'up?"
In the sequel we get a flashback where her younger sister has a daughter. The mirror tells Ravenna that her niece will grow up to become fairer.
So why didn't the mirror tell Ravenna that Snow White will become fairer? Either now or when she was born, since it's shown that Ravenna's had the mirror since the Huntsman was young?
What really annoys me is that this is so easy to fix. We later find out that if Ravenna eats Snow White's still beating heart, she'll achieve true eternal youth (She currently has to steal it from others). The mirror doesn't bother to tell her this until Snow White turns 18 though. If the mirror had told Ravenna earlier, then it would have actually explained not only why Ravenna kept her alive, but also why she had to wait.
Back to the movie and WE'RE STILL IN THE FLASHBACK! The movie stays in flashback mode for 14 freaking minutes.
Our narrator (The Huntsman, for reasons unexplained) tells us that Ravenna's rule was so cruel that even nature turned against her, with the plants withering in the fields.
Is it symbolic enough?
10 years pass and we're introduced to adult Snow White, who does at least match the description from the beginning, though that might have more to do with being locked in a tower than natural lack of pigment.
At least Ravenna was nice enough to make sure she has new clothes every now and then.
Snow White starts a fire and mutters the Lord's Prayer to herself for comfort. Whilst holding voodoo dolls. Because consistency doesn't matter in fantasy settings. Apparently.
She hears another prisoner being locked in the cell opposite hers and they start talking. Snow White asks about her childhood friend William, who's the son of a powerful Duke. The other prisoner says that she doesn't know, which doesn't make much sense. She says that all of the girls from her village were taken whilst they were trying to get to the Duke's castle.
Again, this doesn't make much sense.
If the Duke is the only castle still fighting against Ravenna, why is it still standing? Ravenna's shown to be ridiculously powerful, with both her and Finn being unkillable. Heck, she con conjure armies out of nothing. So how has the Duke kept his people safe, especially when his castle is only a few hours ride from Ravenna's?
And is Greta really the first prisoner they've ever put in this cell?
We cut to Ravenna and Finn, who're being creepily incestuous towards each other. Ravenna is preparing to have a bath in milk, the excess of which is piped outside to the common people.
So it's like Dune, only with milk instead of water.
The real question is, if nature turned on itself, where does Ravenna get enough milk for a bath as big as she has?
That's a lot of milk.
Fun fact, this scene originally had Ravenna orgasming during her bath. In front of her brother. Which she then piped down to the commoners. 
Ew.
We then cut to a scene of two men who were caught leading an ambush against Ravenna's forces. Ravenna notes that the young man is incredibly handsome and asks if he's the son of the other, which turns out to be correct. She goes on a misandric speech about how men are naught but betrayers, but the young man stabs her in the heart.
Or as high as he can reach anyway.
This barely perturbs Ravenna, who pulls it out and uses magic to stop his heart.
She decides to let the father go, as an extra act of cruelty.
Because, as usual, we need the bad guys to be really, really bad.
Ravenna later looks at herself in her mirror. It seems that using her magic drains her life, since she looks a little older.
So Finn brings in a present for her.
Why didn't Greta try to run away whilst Finn's back was turned? I don't see any guards around.
Ravenna drains the youth out of Greta, then sends her back to the cells.
For some reason.
Seriously, why did she keep Greta alive at this point? She's gotten everything she needs. The only purpose Greta serves now is to show Snow White what's going on, which isn't conducive to Ravenna's plans.
Speaking of, Ravenna chats to her mirror again and this time it decides to tell her about Snow White being fairer than her.
Eh, matter of opinion.
So Ravenna orders Finn to retrieve Snow White.
There's another decision made here which I have to question.
When Ravenna is talking to the mirror, it climbs out of the physical mirror in order to talk to her as that weird robe shape. But when Finn is watching her talk, he doesn't see the mirror, only her.
This would be an interesting addition if it weren't for the movie explicitly stating that the mirror is magical.
And so we cut away to Snow White, who's sitting in her cell.
hey, remember at the beginning of the movie when Snow White helped a magpie? Well, it's back and it's going to lead Snow White to freedom.
I'm serious, that's the actual plot.
If this seems incredibly stupid to you, that's because it is.
She tears out the nail when she hears Finn approaching and pretends to have been asleep.
Finn enters the room and wakes her up, getting all creepy uncle with her.
That's his hand on the left there.
Since Finn is an idiot he fully explains that Ravenna wants Snow White's heart. She slashes him across the face with the nail and runs out of the cell, taking his keys and locking him in.
She tries to free Greta, but stops when she sees exactly what Ravenna did to her.
There's no reason for Greta to still be alive right now, except so that Snow White could have this moment.
Snow White flees, but Finn somehow manages to be right on her tail. How Finn escaped is another one of those mysteries the film doesn't bother explaining, since they've never shown any guards in the area.
Snow White follows the magpies and escapes via the sewers, which lead her to a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Looks like all that time playing baseball with the Cullens has paid off.
The guards of course chase after her, but none seem to think to try heading into the sewers after her.
Sure, it's gross in there, but when your Queen's as petty and evil as Ravenna, you'd do literally anything not to fall on her bad side.
Plus, it's medieval times, everything stinks of horse muck anyways.
Speaking of things that stink like horse muck, here's a coincidence for you. The Duke's man just so happens to have been leaving through the courtyard at the exact same moment Snow White escapes.
Snow White dives into the ocean and somehow survives long enough to come ashore, where she finds those frigging magpies again. They lead her to a white horse that just so happens to be there.
For some reason.
If this seems incredibly stupid to you, that's because it is.
Whoa, deja vu.
Snow White rides the horse to a nearby village where everybody just kind of stares at her.
"Who's that then?"
"Dunno, must be a princess."
"How'd you figure that?"
"Hasn't got shit all over her."
Oddly, the zoom-out shot shows no farms for miles around because the ground's all barren wasteland, but the people are holding farm equipment.
The soldiers catch up to Snow White and chase her into the forest, making me seriously question the magical qualifications of that horse she's riding. It's got one very skinny passenger but it was almost caught by some horses wearing full barding, each carrying a soldier in heavy armour.
Doesn't matter, the horse gets Artaxed the moment it enters the Black Forest.
And if you don't know who Artax is, then boy, do you have an amazing movie to watch.
As Snow White stumbles away into the forest, she trips and lands face first into a bunch of mushrooms, which release spores everywhere.
She then has a very bad acid sequence, involving Gargoyles, Ringwraiths, beetles, clams bleeding oil and all sorts of fun stuff.
Then she falls unconscious.
And this is her expression the entire time.
Later, Finn has to explain to Ravenna that Snow White completely escaped him and outran his best men.
She takes it well.
This scene shows their incredibly warped relationship in all of its' hammy glory. Ravenna yells about how he's absolutely worthless despite having sworn to protect her. When he attempts to stand up for himself she smacks him in the face, only to seemingly switch personalities mid-argument and soothingly heal his wound.
You may be a bit tired of me pointing out the sociopathic tendencies of the villains in these kinds of films, but when it's put in front of me on a silver platter, I gotta comment.
For the record, this is a sign of abuse.
Ravenna states that she has no powers in the forest. I have no idea why, but it's hinted that the forest is kind of magical and blocks her, but that gets contradicted later on in the movie.
But she asks Finn if anybody knows the forest well enough to find her and he replies that there is one man, the Huntsman.
I guess neither of them kept in contact with their younger sister, or else they would know about all of the huntsmen she trained.
Speaking of the other title character, we get our first look at him.
And he's not exactly impressive.
The Huntsman is a drunkard who owes some money to an even larger man, who beats him up and dumps him in a nearby trough.
Since Fedoras haven't been invented yet, Finn has to make do with carrying a cane to show people how douchey he is.
The Huntsman (We never learn his name, even the credits just refer to him as 'The Huntsman'. The sequel calls him 'Erik'.) is dragged before Ravenna and she tells him to bring back a female prisoner (She understandably keeps shtum about the prisoner's identity). Erik refuses on the basis that the forest is horrifying, but Ravenna makes him an offer he can't refuse.
She offers to bring back his dead wife.
So, in he goes.
Snow White wakes up and starts moving, but Erik finds her. She begs him to let her go but he refuses. Though he does ask Finn what's going to happen to her. Erik doesn't like the idea of an innocent getting killed, so he demands to have his wife returned immediately.
So Finn, still being the same idiot as he was earlier, tells Erik that Ravenna can't bring back the dead.
Yeah, because now's the time to explain that to him. You couldn't have just lied to him until you got back to the castle?
This guy couldn't outwit an unsalted pretzel.
That's one of the biggest problems with this movie. The bad guys just keep telling the good guys everything that they need to know, before they've secured what they want. It happens multiple times and they just never learn.
Erik beats up Finn and all of his guards, knocking Finn into a mushroom patch.
Trippy.
Erik catches up to Snow White, only for her to smack him and steal a dagger. He decides to leave her stranded since he figures she's more trouble than she's worth, but she offers him 100 gold if he can get her to the Duke's castle.
Speaking of, the old man has finally reached the Duke and he tells him about what happened.
Just in time for the Duke's son, William, to return.
This guy.
William was Snow White's childhood friend, who clearly always had a massive crush on her.
He's also a discount Robin Hood.
Upon hearing that Snow White is alive he turns around and leaves to go find her.
Speaking of Snow White, she and Erik are 'bonding' in the forest. And by that I mean he's saving her worthless bum from some branches.
Though to be fair, since she's still high on mushroom spores, to her they look like snakes.
Wlliam decides that the best way to find Snow White is to join Finn's group, which is reasonable.
He does this by blocking their path and asking if they need a bowman.
When Finn casually orders his bowman to shoot him, William catches the arrow and fires it back, killing the archer, before repeating his question.
And because Finn's still an idiot, he allows William to join.
Seriously? Could this guy get any dumber?
Back to Snow White and Erik, who's teaching her a defensive move.
What do you reckon are the chances that she's going to use this exact move to defeat Ravenna?
Is it just me, or is this movie incredibly grey?
They come across a bridge and, because this is a fantasy movie, they encounter a troll. Erik fights it but gets his rump handed to him. The troll turns towards Snow White, but stops and stares at her.
For some reason.
I mean, I know the reason. It's supposed to be some mystical power of 'The Fairest One Of All' but the movie makes no attempt to explain it. 
Oh, and it doesn't come up again. At all.
The monster design is cool and everything, but the movie wouldn't suffer if this scene was cut.
After this incredibly cheap women's empowerment scene they leave the forest and find a remote village populated only by women.
For some reason.
The women look after the heroes and patch up their injuries (Giving us our only shirtless Chris Hemsworth scene). Each and every woman has scars across their faces, which they explain were self-inflicted so that they wouldn't be beautiful enough to attract the Queen's attention.
Scars horrible enough to completely disfigure them and remove any traces of beauty you say?
Well, one of this movie's good points has been their visual effects, so I can't wait to have a good look at these scars.
Ummm...
Yeah, those scars don't affect their beauty in the slightest. It's an ok idea, but this is just insensitive to people with actual facial scars.
Not even shirtless Chris Hemsworth is enough to make me forget what a bad message this movie just gave.
Erik finds out who Snow White actually is, which upsets him enough to make him leave.
Which is unfortunate, since Finn arrives at the village that night and attacks it.
William spots Snow White and protects her with his arrows, but thanks to the burning village is unable to actually get near her.
Why does this happen in literally every movie with a burning village?
Wait just one cotton-picking second.
Finn wants to capture Snow White alive, yes?
Then why did he set the village on fire from afar before finding her? What if he accidentally trapped her in a burning house and she died? Would Ravenna be happy about that?
It also makes it more difficult for his men to find her, since they have to deal with fire and smoke.
What kind of abject moron is in charge of this exped.... Ohhhh.
Erik notices the fire and returns in time to save Snow White from a mercenary and they escape again.
Though they don't escape for long, since they get mugged and strung up by some Dwarfs.
See? I told you that there were Dwarfs in this movie.
It's still the same classic tale of Snow White and the 8 Dwarfs.
Wait, what?
This movie takes the unusual approach of adding an extra Dwarf. It also takes an even more unusual approach of giving personalities to only three of them.
Oddly enough, the Dwarf played by Ray Winstone (AKA Bors from last weeks movie) isn't one of them.
No, the three with personalities are Beith, played by Ian McShane (Blackbeard from Pirates of the Carribean), Muir, played by Bob Hoskins (Smee from Hook) and Nion. Though in Nion's case most of his personality is shown in the sequel, rather than this movie.
Erik owes them money (Naturally) and they intend to collect. But since Erik currently has no money they decide to just kill them instead.
Don't worry guys, nobody remembers that you were in this movie.
Snow White tells them who she is and at first they don't believe her, but Muir says that it's really her.
How he can tell is a complete sodding mystery.
He just says "She is of the blood." As though he can smell it from ten feet away.
The sound of horses spooks the Dwarfs and they decide to cut them down and help take them to the Duke.
The Dwarfs lead them through a cave system to a secret forest clearing filled with fairies and other mystical creatures.
Because when I think of Dwarfs, I think about people who live in harmony with nature.
Yeah, this seems like a place Dwarfs would naturally congregate to.
They spend the night talking about how horrible Ravenna is and how wonderful the previous King was, before deciding to cheer themselves up with some singing and dancing.
Some of the Dwarfs chat, with Nion expressing distrust of Snow White. But the others trust her, because their various ailments are getting better.
For some reason.
Apparently just being near 'The Fairest One Of All' can heal people's medical conditions, which comes out of left field and goes nowhere, except for this one scene.
The next morning, Snow White is woken up by the magpies, who turn out to have been controlled by fairies.
Where were you buggers when she was lost in the forest, eh?
This explains everything and nothing at the same time.
They lead her to a large tree where she meets a white stag, which is apparently the noble spirit of Sanctuary or something.
This is apparently a wonderful revelation, but it just bores me to tears. I'm quite tired enough of watching people gaze at Kristen Stewart as though she's the most fabulous human being to walk the Earth, I've seen Twilight fans before.
"Expecto Patronum!"
Muir (Whom I've just noticed is apparently blind) goes on a spiel about how wonderful she is and that she's destined to heal the land through her pure purey puretiness.
Luckily for us, the stag gets shot with an arrow before I can vomit.
Anyone else hoping that the arrow would hit her instead?
Turns out that Finn and his men have caught up to them, though why their archer decided to shoot the stag instead of Snow White is a mystery. I know they need her alive, but her could have shot her in the leg, he had the element of surprise after all.
The heroes split up, with some going after the archer and others escorting Snow White away. 
Erik splits off from Snow White in order to distract Finn, whom he battles. Finn seems to get the upper hand and uses it to taunt Erik by mentioning his dead wife.
Because Finn is not only cruel, but stupid.
So Erik kills him.
Maybe if Finn wasn't dumb enough to stand in front of such as obvious deathtrap, he'd still be alive.
Yeah, I know, how silly of me to expect Finn to not be a complete idiot.
Meanwhile, Snow White is chased by someone on horseback, whom she manages to knock off. When one of the Dwarfs (Gus, not that he has any personality) goes in for the kill she stops him since she finally recognises William.
Am I the only one who thinks William is prettier than Snow White?
Everything seems to be going great, until Gus spots the archer aiming for Snow White and jumps in the way.
Oh yeah, now the archer decides to aim for Snow White.
Also, judging from this picture, that arrow would have hit her in the head, killing her, which is precisely the thing that Ravenna doesn't want to happen.
Gus dies and I'm genuinely impressed by Kristen Stewart's acting in this scene. She manages to express emotion and cries meaningfully.
Shame she only bothered to act during this one scene, because when they're cremating Gus she's right back to her usual facial expression.
Only this time her eyebrows are furrowed slightly.
And the Dwarfs sing again, because they're Dwarfs and that's what they do.
And that's not the only way this movie ripped off LoTR.
The whole of their next day is apparently taken up by walking, since nothing happens until they make camp for the night.
While everyone else sleeps Snow White decides to wander off into the woods on her own, because she's an idiot.
Pictured: An idiot.
She's approached by William, who makes a pass at her. She's a bit taken aback by it, so he hands her an apple to eat.
Yeah it wasn't actually William, it was Ravenna disguised as William.
It's a neat effect.
On the one hand, I have to praise Sam Claflin's acting in this scene. He adopts Ravenna's mannerisms perfectly. On the other hand, how the heck did Ravenna know where to find her? Her powers have been waning and she was shown to age considerably when Finn died.
Ravenna takes the time to taunt Snow White, telling her exactly how to remove Ravenna's powers.
Because, like her brother, she's an idiot.
Would you look at that, her monologuing gave the heroes enough time to rescue Snow White.
Erik and William attack, but Ravenna turns into an unkindness of ravens and flies away.
Some people complain about this scene, since Ravenna took a dagger to the heart earlier in the movie and didn't die, so why should she flee from two guys?
Well, that dagger was shown to weaken her and using magic to heal aged her slightly. And Finn's death took a lot out of her, so she may not be able to survive a similar injury this time.
The real question is why didn't she drain someone's youth before going after Snow White?
She had a whole day. Sure, she transformed into ravens to chase after her, but surely she could have had a pit stop for a refuel?
After all, she was able to transform into ravens instantly here and had enough power to make it back, even with some of them getting whacked.
Snow White falls into a coma, just in time for them to reach the Duke's castle.
Though not before William decides to snog the unconscious girl.
At the castle Erik pours his heart out to Snow White's unconscious form. He says that she reminds him of who he can be, just like his dead wife used to.
Fun fact, this script was originally written for a much older Huntsman, but they decided to have Chris Hemsworth play the part instead, due to his popularity after the Thor movie.
Meaning that this was meant to be fatherly love.
But instead, we get yet another lame love triangle in a fantasy movie aimed at teenagers.
For a feminist movie, this movie isn't very feminist.
Though I will admit that when she's not attempting to act, Kristen Stewart is rather pretty.
Erik of course kisses Snow White, which causes her to wake up.
Which means this movies tried to have a non-romantic True Loves Kiss long before Frozen did it. But where that movie replaced it with an act of true love, this movie just gave up and made it kinda-romantic anyway.
Outside, William is arguing with his father about whether or not they should attack Ravenna when Snow White walks out, stunning everyone into silence. She then proceeds to give them the exact same inspiring speech we've heard a million times.
Nothing is more inspiring than her generic kinda-prettiness and overall average niceness.
Actual quote from the movie;
"I would rather die today than live another day of this death."
Look into word repetition Princess, it may improve your speeches later on.
Meanwhile, back at the castle, Ravenna does what she should have done the previous day.
That night the Duke's army rides out from his castle and they make it to Ravenna's castle before dawn.
"It's only a model."
"Shhhh."
One of the Duke's men tells him that they'll never breach the walls before the tide come in, so Snow White informs them of another way in.
The sewer.
Of course, there's no way Ravenna's smart enough to have installed a grate over it after Snow White used it to escape, is there?
Of course not, that would require brain cells.
The Dwarfs sneak in and manage to takes control of the gatehouse and open it just as the army reaches it.
Speaking of the army, there's no way that the men on the walls didn't notice them. They're shown to have trebuchets, so surely the Duke's army is suffering massive casualties on the way to the castle, right?
Maybe if they didn't aim twenty feet to either side of the invading army.
The Duke's army charge into the castle and fight the Queen's men, with Snow White breaking off from the main fight to chase after Ravenna. When she catches up to her in the throne room, Snow White does the dumbest thing I've ever seen a protagonist do in an action movie.
She throws her shield to the ground. Just as she gets to the final battle.
This woman is just plain stupid.
I'm fully aware that the image of a woman wearing full-plate (Sans helmet) holding a sword in both hands is really cool.
It's just also really dumb.
At least in Alice In Wonderland Alice was carrying a shield which got destroyed mid-battle. Here she just throws it away as if she doesn't expect Ravenna to try and kill her.
Speaking of which, they prepare to fight but get interrupted when Erik and William burst in, accompanied by a group of soldiers.
So Ravenna finally decides to bring back those black glass warriors from the prologue, only this time they don't look like knights and they don't fall apart so easily.
Notice how William's not dumb enough to throw away his shield?
That saves his life.
Snow White watches her men getting killed for a few moments before deciding that maybe she should try and do something about it.
She attacks Ravenna, but is easily bested due to the fact that she has literally no training whatsoever.
Ravenna pins Snow White to the floor and prepares to kill her, but Snow White remembered to carry a dagger and stabs Ravenna in the heart.
If only she hadn't stopped to monologue.
Ravenna collapses in front of her mirror, dying from the wound. There's no explanation for why she can't heal this wound, other than that it was caused 'By fairest blood', but that doesn't add up. She healed Finn's wound earlier and that was caused by Snow White. It's not like the dagger was coated in Snow Whit's blood or anything. That would have made some sense. Maybe if Snow White had been cut across the cheek by a dagger, then she used that dagger it would have made sense but nope, nothing like that.
To add insult to injury, Snow White just kneels there and watches as Ravenna dies.
In the sequel, it's revealed that the mirror corrupts everyone who looks into it.
And so, the day is saved, the surviving girls that Ravenna drained are apparently restored, Snow White is crowned and the love triangle goes completely unresolved.
And the movie finally, blissfully, ends.
This movie was not what it should have been.
This movie was supposed to feature a badass Snow White who was both a warrior and a compassionate hero, but instead it got a pretty lamp who needed saving more often than not.
It was supposed to feature a Huntsman who saw Snow White as a daughter figure whom he helps to stand on her own two feet, but instead we get another meandering love triangle.
It was supposed to be wonderful and whimsical, but instead it just comes off as forced as everyone keeps yammering on about how great Snow White's supposed to be.

In its' favour though, William and Erik are cool characters. The effects were amazing, especially on the monsters. And the music was genuinely thrilling.
Luckily, the sequel dropped both the Director and Kristen Stewart and it doesn't suffer from their loss.

Next time, I'm back onto superheroes and this one is a particularly mouthy Canadian mercenary.

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