Sunday, 28 June 2015

Chinese Zodiac

Quick synopsis for this movie.
Jackie Chan goes globetrotting to find artifacts based on the Chinese Zodiac.
No, this isn't his cartoon series, this is a movie imaginatively titled Chinese Zodiac.
Whoever designed the DVD cover needs to be sacked.
This isn't just any Jackie Chan movie though, this one was made with a message in mind.

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory

Roald Dahl is one of history's most famous children's authors, whose works have entertained millions of children through the ages. With such classics as The Witches, the Twits and the BFG, his stories have stood the test of time so well that it's almost impossible to find someone who doesn't enjoy his works.
I say almost impossible, because I can't stand the guy.
Seriously, his stories would be traumatising if given a straight adaptation. In the Witches for example, the titular witches are shapeshifters who pretend to be teachers so that they can literally eat children.
Yeah, enjoy the nightmares.
Luckily, when it comes to film adaptations, the producers and directors had a tendency to completely ignore anything Roald said and do things their own way, which gave us the simply brilliant Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, starring Gene Wilder.
This was a great movie which is a part of every child's life, instilling in them a sense of wonder, and a few life lessons along the way.
Skip to 2005 and Warner Brothers decided to do things a tad differently, using the hottest star of the moment, Johnny Depp.
And by 'Differently' I mean 'Terribly'.
Johnny Depp: The Movie
Why do I hate this movie so much? Well, let me explain, and I'll try to avoid doing any comparisons to Gene Wilder.

Saturday, 13 June 2015

Chanbara Striptease

This is not a joke. There really is a movie called Chanbara Striptease and I really do own it on DVD.
And yet, it's not porn. I'm disappointed.
If it had been porn, it would have been forgivable. At least then it would have had a purpose. And been bearable.
In case you couldn't guess, I didn't enjoy this movie.
Let me explain why.

Thursday, 11 June 2015

The Breakfast Club

Don't you just hate teen movies? The cliched characters that always fit into pre-established stereotypes?
Well I do. I can't think of anything more droll. If only someone would make a movie about how worthless these labels are and encourage people to look deeper. And they should make one soon.
Is 30 years ago soon enough?
This movie is a classic. It takes school movie cliches and inspects them carefully, examining exactly how characters such as these would be created in the real world.
And it does it in a way that allows almost anyone watching it to identify with it.

Monday, 1 June 2015

Blackadder's Christmas Carol

Rowan Atkinson is one of the greatest actors that has ever lived.
Although it's Tony Robinson who got knighted
Most famous for playing Mister Bean his face is synonymous with bumbling idiocy. Personally I could never get into that show. Probably because the first show I ever saw him in was 'Blackadder Goes Forth', where he played a suave, intelligent army Captain during the second world war.
But before that series was made came this special, which attempts to retell the Dickensian classic but balls it up by letting Baldrick tag along.