Thursday, 23 March 2017

Green Lantern (By Deadpool)

I have made a hideous mistake.
Y'see, last week I viciously and hilariously murdered the owner of this blog. He had this whole thing where he didn't think I was the greatest superhero of all time. I know right?
But after killing him (Painfully) I was struck with this strange sensation. Some kind of sense that what I did may not have been the greatest idea. After all, if George is dead, who's going to run this blog?
Me, that's who!
Deadpool.
However, that's where the mistake comes in.
Because of what movie I have to review.
Who's that devilishly handsome chap at the front?
Yeah, so I have to review one of the biggest embarrassments of Ryan Reynolds career, and that says a lot considering that he was in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
So let's watch this puppy and fight the urge to pop some bullets into our heads.

Thursday, 9 March 2017

Deadpool

Deadpool used to be my favourite superhero.
This guy.
But in 2016, something occurred that made me re-evaluate and I have to admit, Deadpool is no longer my favourite.
What?
Uhh, excuse me?
How dare you drop me!
Deadpool? What are you doing here? Why are you here?
More importantly, how are you here?
Uh, helloooo? I'm Deadpool? The guy who treats the fourth wall like a urinal? Did you really expect to be able to get away with reviewing MY movie without me showing up to ensure that you stay focused on revelling in the glory that is me?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
Exactly. Now, would you mind explaining why I'm not your favourite superhero? And you better explain quickly, because I've got a whole clip of ammunition with your name on it.
Well, actually each bullet has the name of one of your various extremities carved into them. "George's Left Pinkie Toe" is my personal favourite but don't let "George's Right Testicle" know, it gets jealous.
Okay, Wade, listen. Let's get through reviewing your movie and I'll explain.
Fine, I'll listen. But just so you know, I'm putting my gun within easily-reachable distance, so don't get any funny ideas.
Let's just get started.

Friday, 3 March 2017

Snow White & The Huntsman

Watching movies is supposed to be something you enjoy.
However, some directors seem to believe otherwise.
They seem to think that their viewers deserve to suffer.
Weren't there supposed to be dwarfs in this movie?
Let's not split hairs. The only reason Kristen Stewart was cast as Snow White in this movie was because she slept with the director. Considering that this was supposed to be a feminist movie, maybe they should have chosen their lead based on something other than 'Who's willing to sleep their way to the top'?
Especially when that 'actress' has only one facial expression. That of having just been smacked in the face with a plank of wood.
In case you couldn't guess, I'm not a fan of Kristen Stewart.
I am, however, a fan of Chris Hemsworth, which is why I decided to buy this movie.