1994-95 was a busy time for Jim Carrey. In 1994 he starred in Ace Ventura, The Mask and Dumb and Dumber. Then in 1995 he was the Riddler in Batman Forever. As such it only made sense for him to reprise his star-making role as Ace Ventura.
This was a mistake.
|When jumping the shark just isn't enough|
This movie was so bad that Jim Carrey refused to ever reprise a role for almost 20 years. But what could possibly be so bad about it? The first movie was a success and as I pointed out last week, it was pure genius in disguise.
|I wonder where we are?|
We open with a helicopter in Switzerland searching the mountains.
|Sadly, this still has nothing to do with Assassin's Creed|
Only to find Ace being his usual culturally sensitive self.
|No racism here. None at all.|
Ace is climbing the mountain in order to rescue a raccoon from a crashed plane. Unfortunately something goes wrong and the raccoon falls to its' death.
|A family picture. Happy nightmares children.|
If your child doesn't have nightmares after watching this, they may very well be a psychopath. Get them checked immediately.
Cut to some time later at a temple somewhere.
|Seto Kaiba's least favourite holiday destination|
The man climbing the stairs is named Fulton Greenwall, presumably by parents who never loved him.
He enters the temple, which is full of Buddhist monks. He's been sent there to retrieve Ace. The senior monk explain that Ace was a broken man when he arrived but that he has since found peace.
|He might have found it sooner if he'd stayed home and hung out with Woodstock more often|
Greenwall attempts to hire Ace for a job, even offering quite a bit of money, but since Ace is on a spiritual quest he is refused. But the senior monk tells Ace to go and gives him his Ankh, which I'm relatively sure has nothing to do with Buddhism.
Bolstered by this gesture Ace accepts the job and leaves.
|They're quite broken up about it|
Ace makes a joke about being in denial.
In the previous film, the depression was subtle.
Don't worry about it though, it's not like the writers did. Ace's depression isn't even referenced in the rest of the movie.
Anywhoo, after a small bit of product placement the story can finally start.
|Be honest, you would too.|
I have no idea whether this is racist or not.
I'm genuinely serious. Both the tribe names are obviously made up, but considering some tribe names from central Africa they're not too far-fetched. They don't sound insulting or ridiculous. Heck, both tribes are shown to speak the same language so it even makes sense for them to sound similar.
So the names get a pass.
|More importantly, Carrey improved his Shatner impression.|
|And he's still a better driver than my sister|
|Who is definitely not the villain|
We then have a non sequitur where Ace beats up the Monopoly guy and wears him like a scarf.
|Normally I dislike violence, but here I'll make an exception|
|Is it time to talk about the fake elephant in the room?|
After leaving Caby's "Lovely room of death" Ace and Greenwall go to visit the Wachati, stopping off at the sacred caves first. And it's here that we discover that Ace has a phobia of bats.
Fun fact, Carrey wanted Ace to merely be allergic to bats, not phobic of them.
Which I think would have been better, but oh well.
And then we're introduced to the Wachati.
|Who apparently have great dental|
Heck, even with the 'Spitting in face as a sign of respect' joke it's not really racist. Look at that guy, he's clearly doing it just to mess with the outsiders.
So the Wachati get a pass.
Ace is shown to the crime scene but is told that he can't go near the cage since it's sacred.
|Something Ace fully respects|
|With guano crockery|
|It's a shame Courtney Cox didn't return for this movie|
Ace does use the party as a distraction to investigate the bat's hut.
He does this by dusting for prints in the worst way possible.
|Remember when Ace was a decent investigator?|
The first movie may not have passed the Bechdel test but it at least turned up and sat it. This one was too busy staying at home masturbating to bother.
|Speaking of lame masturbation jokes|
This is just such an obvious frame-up my 14-year-old niece could spot it.
Anywhoo, Ace decides to investigate Quinn.
|By turning into Lee Evans|
|I give up|
I know the previous film had some ridiculous scenes, but it was still grounded in some form of logic. This is just daft.
And the worst thing is, this exists for just one joke. At the end of the scene (Which I won't screenshot, I'll spare you that) Ace has to clamber out of the back because the door gets jammed. And since the fan broke, he's sweaty and naked.
Just as he's escaping a family spot the rhino and think it's giving birth, only to see a man emerge. Thereby traumatising those kids for life.
That's the joke.
Yeah, I never laughed at it either.
Anywhoo, Ace kidnaps Quinn and interrogates him about the whereabouts of the sacred bat.
|Jim Carrey at his most intimidating|
|Hey, I can do that too!|
But Quinn seems to hate it, spilling the beans about how he hoped he could get more visitors if he could track down the stolen bat.
In other words, he was innocent the entire time.
Gee, what a shock.
Ace apologises to Quinn and gets dropped off in the jungle.
|None of them even have tranq in them, it's just the placebo effect|
Ummm, he won't. In fact, he's not even been captured. He wakes up in the care of the Wachati Princess.
|Did we skip a scene?|
Once again, it doesn't occur to Ace that this might be another frame up, despite it being obvious.
Ace decides to investigate the Wachootoo, taking Aouda with him as translator. I forgot to mention Aouda earlier. He's the village idiot.
|Not racist at all|
|They just want the secret to his gorgeous hair|
Ace is not worried, because he knows that Aouda will go for help.
|See? Village idiot.|
Aouda mistranslates everything Ace says. There's a fan theory that posits that if he hadn't, the Wachootoo would have killed Ace for his cowardice, so Aouda deliberately reinterpreted Ace's statements to spare his life.
I have an alternate theory.
Aouda is a moron.
At no other point in the movie does Aouda show even basic self preservation instincts.
But it seems to work and the Wachootoo tell Ace that if he can pass all of their tests then they won't kill him.
The first test is fire-walking.
|This is exactly how I would do it|
|Again, exactly how I would do it.|
|Not racist in the least.|
The Wachati test of manliness is to stand on a platform for five days. The Wachootoo test is a fight to the death.
So Ace meets his opponent.
|Here? Not so much.|
|Not a great shot|
Unfortunately Aouda is a moron.
|Who passes a spear like that?|
|I don't think Aouda get to join in with the hunting parties|
|Look how happy Aouda is to hear this news.|
|They just wanted an excuse to look at his arse one more time|
After sending Aouda back to the village to warn them of when the wachootoo will attack, Ace searches the part of the jungle where the false darts' tree grows.
Not only does he find the exact tree the dart was carved from, but also the baddie's hideout, which is just around the corner.
Refreshingly however, the baddies aren't fooled by such an obvious trick and they catch him.
For some reason though, instead of killing him on the spot they strap him to a raft and chuck him over a waterfall.
|This was inevitable|
|And he even made a new friend.|
|By the way, don't try this at home|
|I guess he really did achieve total spiritual oneness after all|
This is the Eureka moment Ace needed as he realises that the Wachati have a lot of guano.
|No guano Sherlock.|
|And yet he's still better than my sister|
|Remember him? We met him once.|
And how did Ace figure this out? The mark on Cadby's shoe when Ace first met him was guano, not masonry as Ace first thought.
The only thing Ace couldn't figure out was why Cadby would hire an investigator to investigate his own crime.
|And the only thing I can't figure out is how Cadby packed his chess set away so quickly.|
It was almost a decent mystery, but Cadby was so obviously a villain that Ace just comes off as stupid for not having seen it earlier.
What's worse though?
It's essentially the same mystery as the previous movie. An animal's been kidnapped in order for a group to lose a tribal conflict. Ace investigates someone obvious who turns out to be innocent, but in the process discovers the clue that leads him to the real crook, who turns out to be the supposed good guy.
The crook then lays out his plan to frame Ace and get away with the whole thing.
It's not just the same mystery, it's the same plot.
Only with racism instead of transgender-phobia.
Ace calls on Adewale to arrest Cadby, but Adewale's in on it.
|But his character was so well developed|
|You remember the elephant? It appeared in about 30 seconds of screentime|
Meanwhile, Cadby is busy being an obvious villain again.
|Villainous gloating in 5...|
Then the wall caves in.
|Now we can talk about the elephant in the room.|
|By permanently blinding them|
|And just like that, this entire movie is redeemed|
|Just look at his face.|
|I really enjoy this moment|
|And not a moment too soon|
|Because rape is hilarious|
Anywhoo, with everything resolved, the Princess gets married.
|To the lunatic|
Which is something that can't actually be discerned that way.
But since Ace did in fact make happy with the Princess he runs away and our movie ends.
|It finally ends.|
But it was racist. It was sexist. And some of the humour was just plain cringe-worthy, the rhino in particular.
And the mystery was in essence a rehash of the previous film.
ll of the subtlety and genius of the first film were thrown aside in favour of cheap laughs.
And how the heck did this movie get a lower age rating than the previous one?
Looking to next week, we get to see just how Depp the rabbit hole goes.